I like this very much... ~_~
tweetie
LESSONS IN LIFE
By Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do .
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read some good books. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
He's not that interested
Read this today from an email article, just extracting a portion of it that acts as a good reminder :
BY MIRABLE SUMMERS
(excerpt)
The only thing that determines how you react to
a situation where a guy SEEMS interested, and then
backs off slightly (a classic test) is whether or
not you feel like being with a guy who's intent on
making YOU 'chase' HIM.
Or with a guy who's been reading up on the
seduction/pickup arts and is determined to stop
asking women out because 'that's what men do now.'
Basically, the way that you react to this sort
of stuff is likely to set the tone for the rest of
the relationship (no matter how brief it may turn
out to be.)
He is testing your levels of interest. He wants
to know if YOU'RE keen enough to ask HIM out.
And whether you are or not isn't really the
point ... because what it REALLY boils down to is
that, FOR WHATEVER REASON, he is not interested
enough in you to do you the basic courtesy of
asking you out.
Look: I'm all for the 'male sexual revolution'
that seems to be happening these days, and I think
it's interesting that the dating scene is getting
shaken up so much with all these new ideas and
'techniques' and 'strategies' and things like that
...
... but at the same time, I am a firm proponent
of NOT helping a guy to ask you out.
I think this is very important. And despite the
fact that dating gurus are teaching their acolytes
to 'get HER to chase YOU', I still don't believe
that to do so would set a sound precedent for
respectful and decent treatment for you - not to
mention flaming-hot attraction - throughout the
relationship.
I've simply read too many studies where a
STAGGERING majority of the men polled said that
they have NEVER had a serious relationship with a
girl who asked them out ... or that if she asked
them out, 'it would ruin all the fun' ... or that
they'd be FLATTERED if a woman asked them out, but
they wouldn't necessarily be ATTRACTED to her.
Bottom line: he may be interested enough in you
to flirt with you. But if he's not interested
enough to actually take the plunge and ask you to
meet him for a coffee (come on, I mean, ONE
PIDDLING COFFEE - it's hardly levitating over
Niagara Falls), then he's just NOT THAT
INTERESTED. Period.
And yes, you could argue, 'what if I'm an
intimidating woman? What if he's a little bit
scared of me?'
Well, that's true. Guys can be intimidated by
beautiful or outgoing women. But usually, unless
you're Angelina Jolie, this isn't REALLY a
problem. And to bite the bullet, even if it
WAS a problem, do you actually want to be with a guy
who's so gutless that he can't even get himself
together enough to invite you out somewhere? A guy
who doesn't even like you enough to get over his
nervousness and ask you out??
Because I know I wouldn't.
As an interesting aside, I've actually been in
this exact position myself a couple of times. Guy
is being very flirty and funny ... we're both
enjoying ourselves ... then all of a sudden one of
us has to go, and he tries to put it on ME to do
the legwork and arrange another meeting.
Every time this happens - whether it's a guy
offering me his card, offering me his email
address, or telling me to 'call him' - I take it
as the message that it is: essentially, that he's
trying to get ME to do his 'dirty-work' for him
and organize a date. He wants an ego-boost, or
he's been conditioned to 'get her to do the
chasing', or he's just plain LAZY.
Personally, I prefer men who actually like me
enough to quit with the power struggle and ask to
see me again. No matter what kind of Sexual
Revolution men happen to be going through, I have
ALWAYS refused to help guys ask me out, and were I
single, I would continue to do so.
If they don't ask, then quite simply, they just
AREN'T THAT INTERESTED.
And hey - I know this can be confusing,
especially if they were particularly flirty and
charming during the previous conversations(s),
whether that was online, on the phone, or in
person. But let's face it, there are any NUMBER of
reasons that all that flirty charm could be an
absolute CROCK when it comes to actually MEANING
SOMETHING:
He could have just been in a good mood.
He could have been on an ego trip and wanting
to see if he can get you interested.
He could have been cheering himself up after a
difficult day, and wanting to soothe himself with
some feminine attention.
He could be one of those guys who's Just A
Flirt.
... and so on.
I urge you to start paying attention to the way
men ACT rather than the way they TALK. The
conversation can be great, he can be telling you
how cute you are and how he'd love to take you out
sometime, etc etc ... but if he's not actually
ASKING YOU OUT, then he's not that interested.
Period.
And smart women don't waste their time dating
men who aren't sure about their interest levels.
BY MIRABLE SUMMERS
(excerpt)
The only thing that determines how you react to
a situation where a guy SEEMS interested, and then
backs off slightly (a classic test) is whether or
not you feel like being with a guy who's intent on
making YOU 'chase' HIM.
Or with a guy who's been reading up on the
seduction/pickup arts and is determined to stop
asking women out because 'that's what men do now.'
Basically, the way that you react to this sort
of stuff is likely to set the tone for the rest of
the relationship (no matter how brief it may turn
out to be.)
He is testing your levels of interest. He wants
to know if YOU'RE keen enough to ask HIM out.
And whether you are or not isn't really the
point ... because what it REALLY boils down to is
that, FOR WHATEVER REASON, he is not interested
enough in you to do you the basic courtesy of
asking you out.
Look: I'm all for the 'male sexual revolution'
that seems to be happening these days, and I think
it's interesting that the dating scene is getting
shaken up so much with all these new ideas and
'techniques' and 'strategies' and things like that
...
... but at the same time, I am a firm proponent
of NOT helping a guy to ask you out.
I think this is very important. And despite the
fact that dating gurus are teaching their acolytes
to 'get HER to chase YOU', I still don't believe
that to do so would set a sound precedent for
respectful and decent treatment for you - not to
mention flaming-hot attraction - throughout the
relationship.
I've simply read too many studies where a
STAGGERING majority of the men polled said that
they have NEVER had a serious relationship with a
girl who asked them out ... or that if she asked
them out, 'it would ruin all the fun' ... or that
they'd be FLATTERED if a woman asked them out, but
they wouldn't necessarily be ATTRACTED to her.
Bottom line: he may be interested enough in you
to flirt with you. But if he's not interested
enough to actually take the plunge and ask you to
meet him for a coffee (come on, I mean, ONE
PIDDLING COFFEE - it's hardly levitating over
Niagara Falls), then he's just NOT THAT
INTERESTED. Period.
And yes, you could argue, 'what if I'm an
intimidating woman? What if he's a little bit
scared of me?'
Well, that's true. Guys can be intimidated by
beautiful or outgoing women. But usually, unless
you're Angelina Jolie, this isn't REALLY a
problem. And to bite the bullet, even if it
WAS a problem, do you actually want to be with a guy
who's so gutless that he can't even get himself
together enough to invite you out somewhere? A guy
who doesn't even like you enough to get over his
nervousness and ask you out??
Because I know I wouldn't.
As an interesting aside, I've actually been in
this exact position myself a couple of times. Guy
is being very flirty and funny ... we're both
enjoying ourselves ... then all of a sudden one of
us has to go, and he tries to put it on ME to do
the legwork and arrange another meeting.
Every time this happens - whether it's a guy
offering me his card, offering me his email
address, or telling me to 'call him' - I take it
as the message that it is: essentially, that he's
trying to get ME to do his 'dirty-work' for him
and organize a date. He wants an ego-boost, or
he's been conditioned to 'get her to do the
chasing', or he's just plain LAZY.
Personally, I prefer men who actually like me
enough to quit with the power struggle and ask to
see me again. No matter what kind of Sexual
Revolution men happen to be going through, I have
ALWAYS refused to help guys ask me out, and were I
single, I would continue to do so.
If they don't ask, then quite simply, they just
AREN'T THAT INTERESTED.
And hey - I know this can be confusing,
especially if they were particularly flirty and
charming during the previous conversations(s),
whether that was online, on the phone, or in
person. But let's face it, there are any NUMBER of
reasons that all that flirty charm could be an
absolute CROCK when it comes to actually MEANING
SOMETHING:
He could have just been in a good mood.
He could have been on an ego trip and wanting
to see if he can get you interested.
He could have been cheering himself up after a
difficult day, and wanting to soothe himself with
some feminine attention.
He could be one of those guys who's Just A
Flirt.
... and so on.
I urge you to start paying attention to the way
men ACT rather than the way they TALK. The
conversation can be great, he can be telling you
how cute you are and how he'd love to take you out
sometime, etc etc ... but if he's not actually
ASKING YOU OUT, then he's not that interested.
Period.
And smart women don't waste their time dating
men who aren't sure about their interest levels.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Language Lessons
To be a successful lover, you have to communicate with and without words.
By Gary D. Chapman
"I'm desperate," Mark told me when he entered my office. "My wife told me she doesn't love me, and she wants me out of her life. I don't understand. I've been a good husband. We have a nice house and wonderful children. I love Suzanne: I tell her how beautiful and special she is. How can she throw away 17 years of marriage?"
"Has Suzanne ever complained to you?" I asked.
"She says we don't spend enough time together and that we don't talk. But my business is demanding, and when I get home I need down time."
I knew their problem: Suzanne's love language (the way she best understands and receives love) was Quality Time, and Mark hadn't spoken that language. His compliments weren't enough; Suzanne needed his time and attention.
Feeling loved is our deepest emotional need. When that need goes unmet, it weakens our love for our spouse. Then the negative behavior patterns we once overlooked begin to annoy us. That's why Suzanne could say, "I don't love you."
After 30 years of marriage counseling, I'm convinced there are only five languages of love. Each person uses all the languages, but really thrives on one. The better you speak your spouse's love language, the stronger your emotional love life will be. For those unfamiliar with love languages, here's a brief course:
Words of Affirmation. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death." This language uses words to honor and appreciate your spouse. "You look nice in that outfit." "Thanks for taking out the trash. I really appreciate all the hard work you do."
Gifts. A gift says, She was thinking about me. Look what she got for me. Gifts don't need to be expensive. Haven't we always said, "It's the thought that counts"? With gifts, it isn't what you give, but how often you give that communicates love.
Acts of Service. The Bible tells us to love not only in word but in action (1 John 3:18). Acts of service include: washing the car, walking the dog, changing the baby, or whatever needs doing.
Quality Time. This means giving your spouse undivided attention. Maybe it's a picnic, a weekend away, or just muting the TV. The important thing is the two of you are focused on each other.
Physical Touch. We've long known the emotional power of physical touch. Holding hands; embracing; a back rub; even putting your hand on your mate's leg while you drive.
Revealing questions
So how do you discover your spouse's love language?
Answer the following:
"How does my spouse most often express love to me?" If they give you words of affirmation, that may be their love language. They're giving you what they wish to receive.
"What does my spouse complain about most often?" Our complaints reveal our deepest desires. Suzanne complained, "We don't have time for each other. We don't talk." Quality Time was her love language.
"What does my spouse request most often?" If your spouse routinely asks, "Would you help me make the bed?" "Would you give the children a bath tonight?" then Acts of Service may be his or her primary love language.
You need three things to be a successful lover :
1. Information. What is your spouse's love language?
2. Will. Love is an active choice.
3. Frequency. Use your spouse's primary language to express love regularly.
It took Suzanne nine months of counseling to work through the hurt, neglect, and lack of empathy she felt from Mark. But eventually their marriage was reborn.
"If anyone told me I could have loving feelings for him again, I would have never believed it," Suzanne told me. "But I do. He's speaking my language," she said, smiling. Learn to speak your spouse's love language and you too can live with a smiling mate!
By Gary D. Chapman
"I'm desperate," Mark told me when he entered my office. "My wife told me she doesn't love me, and she wants me out of her life. I don't understand. I've been a good husband. We have a nice house and wonderful children. I love Suzanne: I tell her how beautiful and special she is. How can she throw away 17 years of marriage?"
"Has Suzanne ever complained to you?" I asked.
"She says we don't spend enough time together and that we don't talk. But my business is demanding, and when I get home I need down time."
I knew their problem: Suzanne's love language (the way she best understands and receives love) was Quality Time, and Mark hadn't spoken that language. His compliments weren't enough; Suzanne needed his time and attention.
Feeling loved is our deepest emotional need. When that need goes unmet, it weakens our love for our spouse. Then the negative behavior patterns we once overlooked begin to annoy us. That's why Suzanne could say, "I don't love you."
After 30 years of marriage counseling, I'm convinced there are only five languages of love. Each person uses all the languages, but really thrives on one. The better you speak your spouse's love language, the stronger your emotional love life will be. For those unfamiliar with love languages, here's a brief course:
Words of Affirmation. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death." This language uses words to honor and appreciate your spouse. "You look nice in that outfit." "Thanks for taking out the trash. I really appreciate all the hard work you do."
Gifts. A gift says, She was thinking about me. Look what she got for me. Gifts don't need to be expensive. Haven't we always said, "It's the thought that counts"? With gifts, it isn't what you give, but how often you give that communicates love.
Acts of Service. The Bible tells us to love not only in word but in action (1 John 3:18). Acts of service include: washing the car, walking the dog, changing the baby, or whatever needs doing.
Quality Time. This means giving your spouse undivided attention. Maybe it's a picnic, a weekend away, or just muting the TV. The important thing is the two of you are focused on each other.
Physical Touch. We've long known the emotional power of physical touch. Holding hands; embracing; a back rub; even putting your hand on your mate's leg while you drive.
Revealing questions
So how do you discover your spouse's love language?
Answer the following:
"How does my spouse most often express love to me?" If they give you words of affirmation, that may be their love language. They're giving you what they wish to receive.
"What does my spouse complain about most often?" Our complaints reveal our deepest desires. Suzanne complained, "We don't have time for each other. We don't talk." Quality Time was her love language.
"What does my spouse request most often?" If your spouse routinely asks, "Would you help me make the bed?" "Would you give the children a bath tonight?" then Acts of Service may be his or her primary love language.
You need three things to be a successful lover :
1. Information. What is your spouse's love language?
2. Will. Love is an active choice.
3. Frequency. Use your spouse's primary language to express love regularly.
It took Suzanne nine months of counseling to work through the hurt, neglect, and lack of empathy she felt from Mark. But eventually their marriage was reborn.
"If anyone told me I could have loving feelings for him again, I would have never believed it," Suzanne told me. "But I do. He's speaking my language," she said, smiling. Learn to speak your spouse's love language and you too can live with a smiling mate!
The 5 Sides of Intimacy
Hint: It's more than just sex
By Gary D. Chapman
All-encompassing
There's something about our psychological, spiritual, and physical makeup that cries out for intimacy with another. That's because God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships, in which we share life intellectually, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Are you and your spouse intimate in these ways?
Intellectual intimacy
This isn't about discussing highly intellectual ideas. The important thing is discussing your thoughts. They may be thoughts about food, finances, health, crime, work, politics. They reveal something of what's gone on in your mind throughout the day.
Social intimacy
This has to do with spending time around the events of life. Some of these events we experience together; others happen while we're apart and are shared through open communication. Much of life involves doing. When we do things together, we not only develop a sense of teamwork, we also enhance our sense of intimacy.
Emotional intimacy
Feelings are our spontaneous, emotional responses to what we encounter through the five senses. I see the fire truck racing down the road and I feel troubled. You touch my hand and I feel loved. When we share emotions, we build emotional intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy
Often the least excavated of all the foundations of marital intimacy, yet this has a significant impact on the others. It doesn't require agreement of belief on every detail. Instead, we seek to tell each other what's going on in our inner self. It's discussing our thoughts about spiritual realities. The purpose isn't agreement, but understanding.
Physical intimacy
Because men and women are different (long live their differences!), we often come at sexual intimacy in different ways. The husband's emphasis is often on the physical aspects — the seeing, touching, and climax are the focus of his attention. The wife, though, comes to sexual intimacy with more interest in the relationship. To feel loved, appreciated, and treated tenderly brings her great joy. Sexual intimacy requires understanding and responding to these differences.
Practicing intimacy
An essential ingredient of intimacy is allowing your spouse to be himself without striving to conform him to your ideals.
In intimacy, we try to grow closer together, not to eliminate the "otherness," but to enjoy it. Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.
What keeps us from experiencing intimacy? All of us are egocentric; the world revolves around us. Yet, when we focus on self, we lose intimacy.
The opposite of self-centeredness, then, is love. Love concentrates on the well-being of the spouse. We take time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of our spouse. We seek to understand and to respond with empathy. We choose to do things with each other, even things that may not be our favorite activities, simply because we want to be with each other.
In the context of such intimacy we become supportive and caring of each other, which builds a stronger, more contented marriage.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Are you getting heat to get married?
By Terry [HappyGirlsMusing]
One of the most dangerous things women face is outside pressure to get married before they're ready. This "marriage-at-all-costs" mentality often pushes them to legally bind themselves to the wrong men.
Which can either be dangerous or downright boring, depending on the wrong men they end up with.
Furthermore, it forces women to start thinking of every date as a potential husband, which is a sure recipe for appearing desperate and unattractive.
It's 2008, and still the pressure persists!
While perusing the rice aisle at Stop & Shop yesterday morning, I heard the most depressing conversation:
Smartly dressed woman: "I don't understand what these girls are waiting for. I was married at 21, and I've been married 37 years now."
Frumpily dressed woman: "I know. They all want to focus on their careers."
Smartly dressed woman: "It's ridiculous. My daughter is 23, and she
doesn't even have anybody yet."
It drives me crazy!
People with this bizarre "females must be married as soon as possible" philosophy jeopardize women's -- particularly their own daughters' -- health, happiness, and general well-being. How many women have stayed with an abuser, for instance, just because they felt they were not quite female without a man?
I distinctly remember times when I was happily single, and some clown would come up to me and tell me I would be truly happy if I was married.
When the father of a friend asked me at the age of 24 when I was going to "finally find a husband," I told him I was too young.
If people are giving you the heat to hook up and find the right guy already, I advise you to tell them the same thing, and I don't care if you're 71.
You will attract the right man only when you are ready. And I mean peacefully ready, not desperately ready.
One of the most dangerous things women face is outside pressure to get married before they're ready. This "marriage-at-all-costs" mentality often pushes them to legally bind themselves to the wrong men.
Which can either be dangerous or downright boring, depending on the wrong men they end up with.
Furthermore, it forces women to start thinking of every date as a potential husband, which is a sure recipe for appearing desperate and unattractive.
It's 2008, and still the pressure persists!
While perusing the rice aisle at Stop & Shop yesterday morning, I heard the most depressing conversation:
Smartly dressed woman: "I don't understand what these girls are waiting for. I was married at 21, and I've been married 37 years now."
Frumpily dressed woman: "I know. They all want to focus on their careers."
Smartly dressed woman: "It's ridiculous. My daughter is 23, and she
doesn't even have anybody yet."
It drives me crazy!
People with this bizarre "females must be married as soon as possible" philosophy jeopardize women's -- particularly their own daughters' -- health, happiness, and general well-being. How many women have stayed with an abuser, for instance, just because they felt they were not quite female without a man?
I distinctly remember times when I was happily single, and some clown would come up to me and tell me I would be truly happy if I was married.
When the father of a friend asked me at the age of 24 when I was going to "finally find a husband," I told him I was too young.
If people are giving you the heat to hook up and find the right guy already, I advise you to tell them the same thing, and I don't care if you're 71.
You will attract the right man only when you are ready. And I mean peacefully ready, not desperately ready.
What's Tweetie JotterBook About?
Welcome to Tweetie's JOTTERBOOK!!!
Hehehe....
I just wanna have a place to archive or keep all the interesting reads, or articles and blog posts I've read that have inspired me.
Sometimes lyrics of songs I like...
Sometimes reminders to myself...
Especially articles on love and relationship to help guide my thoughts and values..
It's a library, a bookshelf, or a jotterbook. Get it?
Ok, short and sweet it shall be! May all who read it found some nuggets for yourself.
Hehehe....
I just wanna have a place to archive or keep all the interesting reads, or articles and blog posts I've read that have inspired me.
Sometimes lyrics of songs I like...
Sometimes reminders to myself...
Especially articles on love and relationship to help guide my thoughts and values..
It's a library, a bookshelf, or a jotterbook. Get it?
Ok, short and sweet it shall be! May all who read it found some nuggets for yourself.
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